GoGang: Christmas Special
'is an episode of GoGang. Sypnosis The GoGang is is getting ready for Christmas, but they hear that Santa has been kidnapped by the StopSociety, so they must save Christmas! Cast *Jennell Slack-Wilson as Sophie and Eihpos *Andrew Rannells as Insecurity, Security and himself *Josh Peck as TGB1, TSB1 and Elf *Steve Blum as Lemon, Lime and FedEx Driver *Mike Pollock as Santa and Drunk Driver Transcript the theme song, we see a shot of New York's skyline at night Narrator: And now, direct from Flushing, New York, America's favorite actor, and the president of the GoGang fanclub, [We see Andrew's apartment, and the text "ANDREW" typed in ''Comic Sans MS] Narrator: Andrew Rannells. [The camera zooms in on Andrew's front door, and the scene cuts to him wrapping a present while humming to the tune of Jingle Bells] Andrew: (Recognizes the viewers) '''D'OH! Uh, hi! (Gets up) I'm Andrew Rannells, president of the GoGang fanclub! notices he has a long piece of confetti stuck to his hand. He tries to pull it off, but only succeeds in punching his eye out Andrew: (Puts on an eyepatch) That's better! pet dog, Jacob, walks in Jacob: (barks) Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Andrew: That's right, Jacob! It is Christmas! (Walks to a shitty electric fireplace) And there ain't nothing better in the world than a GoGang Christmas! It sure is a magical time of year. (Blows a bubble pipe, with the bubbles clearly coming from the bottom of the screen) Boy, I'll bet ol' TGB1 is gearin' up for Sandy Claws right now! holds up a picture frame of TGB1, and we cut to TGB1 himself TGB1: I sure am! (Presses a button on a remote he pulled out of his ass, and a chimney appears above the GoGang HQ, with a neon sign saying "WELCOME SANTA!") back to Andrew Andrew: Pretty great for a Knucklehead McSpazatron. And I'm sure our pal Insecurity is decorating too! holds up a picture frame of Insecurity, and we cut to Insecurity himself has hung up a single red bulb ornament on the HQ's weathervane, which promptly snaps off and hits Insecurity, knocking him unconscious see cookie dough being mixed up Andrew: I too am also preparing for Christmas! (Stops mixing) Mmm... unbaked cookie dough! (Licks his whisk) to Jacob sitting in his kennel Jacob: (barks) Jacob wants cookie dough! runs into the kitchen and tries to eat the cookie dough, but Andrew protects the bowl as if it were his own daughter Andrew: JACOB NO! Jacob: Cookies! Andrew: GET OUT OF HERE! Jacob: Cookies! Andrew: Jacob! Jacob: Give me a lick! Andrew: Back off you furry freak! Jacob: (Barks) Clarify, please. Andrew: This cookie dough is for the children! Not pesky puppies! to a stock footage of someone ringing a bell Andrew: (gasps) Three bells! You know what that means! Children: (off-screen) Free Ice Cream! Andrew: (chuckles) No, you little shits. NO!!! is in his kennel again Jacob: (barks) Man overboard? walks into his study Andrew: You, I'm ignoring. No, it means it's time for Fan Mail! to black-and-white footage of pirates cheering walks in with a letter in his mouth Andrew: Thank you, Jacob. (Tries to grab the letter, but Jacob won't let go) Ok, thank you, Jacob. Come on, give it you goddamn mutt! (Takes out a knife and kills Jacob) Andrew: (sits the fuck down) This letter comes to us from- Voiceover: NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD! quite literally rips into the letter, and puts on some shitty reading glasses that have no lenses Andrew: And he writes: Dear TGB1, I am 10 years old, and I wanted to know if you like Christmas as much as I do. Sincerely yours, Voiceover: NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD! Andrew: A very good question. But you know, not every Christmas in GoCity was a merry one. Jacob: (Barks) They weren't? Andrew: Why no, my furry neck-pain, they weren't. pushes Jacob onto the floor, causing a crew member to fall from the ceiling and break his neck and die puts up a shitty Christmas decoration of TGB1 Andrew: In fact, there was a year where there almost wasn't a Christmas in GoCity. Hey, who wants to hear the story of the time the GoGang "saved" Christmas? to Jacob's bloodshot eyes Jacob: (barks in exhaustion) Andrew: Jacob? to Andrew's now empty bowl of cookie dough, a foghorn blares in the background, we then pan out to show an incredibly obese Jacob Andrew: You ate all me cookie dough!! neck snaps and his body falls to the floor, leaving his head floating in midair Jacob: Ouch. Andrew: Oh well. On with the show! card and opening credits see the gang decorating the HQ Sophie: Put this here, put that here...hmmmm.... and Insecurity are putting ornaments on the Christmas tree Insecurity: We're getting the hang of it! TGB1: Indeed. We're getting it now! (drops an ornament, and it shatters, cutting his foot) OW! rushes out to get a First-Aid kit is doing absolutely nothing useful Lemon: Good work guys, keep it up. I'll just keep supervising. glares at Lemon Sophie: Lemon, you're lazy. Lemon: Yeah, I won two medals for it. (he takes a sip from a soda can and throws it at TGB1) Use that as an ornament, it'll remind you of my... essence. glares at Lemon clumsily tries to put the star on the Christmas tree, but ends up fucking dropping it onto TGB1's wounded foot TGB1: FUCK! (ends up unintentionally kicking the star onto its proper spot on top of the tree) Sophie: Thank you, TGB1. seethes with rage as Insecurity bandages his foot to the StopSociety HQ, we see the Society's only decorations: a shitty aluminum Christmas tree, some candy canes that are clearly fake, and a wreath made from dead leaves TSB1: I reckon these are the best decorations we've ever had! Security: You said it, bro! Eihpos: (On verge of a complete breakdown) Grrr... OUR DECORATIONS STINK!!! Why can't we just have a normal, good Christmas like everyone else?! Lime: Well, it's not our fault. You don't put fourth any money into Christmas. Eihpos: Hey, wait a minute, maybe, if we can't have a good Christmas, NOBODY CAN!!! TSB1: Now, just what is it that yer suggestin'? Eihpos: Pack your bags, gang. We're going to the North Pole. (TSB1, Security, and Lime all cheer) Eihpos: NO NO NO!!! We're only going to the North Pole so we can kidnap Santa Claus! (TSB1, Security, and Lime all gasp) Security: I guess this is why Santa never brings us any presents. Eihpos: WE'RE EVIL YOU IDIOT!!! (calms down within a nanosecond) Let's just go already. to the North Pole, we see Santa Claus checking his Naughty and Nice lists for the second time Santa: Alright, my lists are complete. Now, it's time to start preparing for my run. hear somebody knocking on the door Santa: Oh! I think that's the pizza delivery man! opens the door, only for the StopSociety to tackle him and put him in a duffel bag Security: You said you wanted us to make him wear a gimp suit, right? Eihpos: NO! I said ONE of you put on HIS suit! And then the rest of us will be his elves! Lime: Dang. I wanted to see what Santa would look like on a porn set. Eihpos: JUST COME ON!!! StopSociety climbs aboard Santa's sleigh, and prepares to lift off, but an elf takes notice Elf: Oh no! Christmas is in trouble! I have to call somebody! (takes out a shitty flip-phone, even though it's 2019) back to the GoGang HQ, which is now fully decorated Sophie: Good work everyone! TGB1: Y'know, these decorations are so good, they help me ignore the fact that my foot still hurts like shit. phone rings Sophie: (singing) The phone! The phone is ringing- TGB1, Insecurity, and Lemon: SHUT UP!!! Sophie: What was that? You want me to sing louder? Ok! (inhales) OH, THE PHONE! THE PHONE! IT'S RINGING! THE PHONE IS RINGING! (TGB1, Insecurity and Lemon cover their ears. As Sophie sings horribly, Lemon's flesh explodes, thus reducing him to a skeleton, Insecurity's ears bleed and he dies from blood loss, and TGB1's head blows to smithereens) (Cut to a time card) The Narrator: One obnoxious singing montage later... Sophie: Oh, the phone is ringing! (stops singing and heads towards the phone) Man, why were you guys holding me up? The caller could've hung up long ago. Lemon: But you- (facepalms and grunts) Sophie: (answers the phone) Hello? (nods) Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Don't worry, we'll have you covered. (hangs up) Lemon: Was that the power company? After all, you haven't paid the HQ's bills in over a month. Sophie: Lol no you fucking dumbass, it was one of Santa's elves! TGB1: Wait, how did he get your number? Sophie: No time for that. We've got to save Christmas! Lemon: Got to? Insecurity: We'll never do that. I don't think you're aware of how incompetent we are. Sophie: You better save Christmas or else I'm cutting off your paycheck! Lemon: Sophie, you're not even paying us at all. Sophie: Then I'll just cut off your throats then! (The trio gulps) Sophie: (calms down within a nanosecond) Now come on! Let's go to the North Pole! TGB1: Sorry Sophie, but I've got more important measures to do. Lemon: AND, Santa isn't even real. Sophie: (pulls out a gun from out of nowhere) Wanna reconsider? (Camera immediately cuts to the middle of nowhere, where there's a heavy blizzard. Sophie is trying to hitchhike by giving a thumbs-up signal. The rest of the gang is freezing cold and hugging themselves to keep warm) Lemon: I th-th-th-thought y-y-you had a vehicle pl-l-l-lanned out in a-a-advance, Sophie! Sophie: I had to sell my car so my landlord wouldn't kick me out. Now just wait here. (Sophie continues to try to hitchhike, and everybody else groans) (Cut to nighttime. Insecurity has an entire tent set up for everybody except for Sophie, who's STILL trying to hitch a ride. TGB1 is roasting some stew, but accidentally ends up burning his hand in the process, and he screams bloody murder. Lemon is sitting on a log that's near the campfire) Sophie: When's a car EVER going to pick us up? TGB1: Honestly, this is your fault, because you've never watched a SpongeBob episode in your entire life. They taught kids how the pioneers hitchhiked. Insecurity: Well, now that you mention it, I never thought I'd say this, but, that SpongeBob scene is gonna save our lives. Just watch. (Camera cuts to Insecurity with a hat he's never had before. He does a dance that is far better than any Fortnite dance, and then the camera focuses on Lemon rattling spoons) (A drunk driver in a 16-wheeler drives down the road, but sees Insecurity dancing) Drunk Driver: CRASHIN' FRASHIN' BREAK DANCERS! (honks his horn) Lemon: He's stopping! HE'S STOPPING! (Lemon suddenly realizes he isn't, so he grabs Insecurity out of the way. Unfortunately, they both land in a pile of cow shit. Lemon stares at Insecurity angrily) (Later that night, everybody except for Sophie is sleeping in the tent. A delivery truck pulls up near Sophie) FedEx Driver: Hey weasel, you need a ride to FurryCon or something? (laughs) Sophie: Actually, I'm gonna show you why UPS is better than the company you work for. FedEx Driver: Huh?! (Camera immediately cuts to Sophie putting the driver's dead body in a frozen river) (Shortly after, Sophie blows an airhorn into the gang's ears, which wakes them up) Everyone: OUCH! Sophie: Good morning, everybody! I found ourselves a ride. Lemon: Please don't tell me you stole one. (Camera immediately cuts to them in the truck. Sophie is behind the wheel, while TGB1 is riding shotgun) Sophie: Yes, I did. (starts the engine) Well, the North Pole won't wait for us! Off to the North Pole! TGB1: Do you even know HOW to get there? Sophie: Of course I do! (Sophie abruptly steps on the gas pedal. The van screeches and takes off, leaving behind a trail of fire. Everybody except for Sophie screams bloody murder) (We see Andrew again) Andrew: Is TGB1 right? Will the GoGang make it to the North Pole? Stay tuned. (shakes and moans suggestively) (Cut to commercials. The following line is cut out on box set releases for some reason) Andrew: It's about time you came back! (holds up a toy truck, with shitty action figures of the GoGang members inside of it) Now I can finish my story! So, Sophie was driving the truck through the frozen wastelands... (The van crashes into an igloo as this track plays. Everybody is sent crashing through the windshield, and they scream bloody murder) Sophie: (she hits a "Welcome to the North Pole!" sign) I think this is the place. TGB1: Well, no shit, Sherlock. (They casually enter Santa's workshop with no concerns from other people. Suddenly, they see a letter) Sophie: What's this? (picks it up) (The letter reads: "Dear GoGang, we have taken Santa Claus on a nice little vacation. He deserves it for being so jolly each year. Sincerely, Lime") (Beneath that, Eihpos has written "YOU IDIOT!!!! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO BLOW OUR COVER!!!! AND WE KIDNAPPED SANTA!!!!! - Eihpos") Sophie: Oh no, this is terrible! We've gotta save Santa before Christmas morning comes by! Lemon: Pass. (heads for the door, but Sophie pulls him back) Sophie: Quick, we gotta get on the sleigh! (The gang heads to Santa's sleigh, but once they get there, they learn the hard way that the deer are affected with rabies. They have bloodshot eyes. They snarl and bear their razor-sharp teeth at the gang) Insecurity: (gets scared) Uhh, hey Sophie, why don't you "tame" the deer? They like to prey on weasels after all. Sophie: I have a better idea. (Camera immediately cuts to the deer feasting on the corpses of the elves) Sophie: That oughta do it, but we're gonna have to cover it up by telling Santa the elves "had a little accident" back there. (hops on the sleigh) Come on, everyone! Lemon: Sophie, I'm not gonna risk my life so we can "save" some fictional fat man. Sophie: Lemon, we're in a hurry. TGB1: "We"? Sophie: Just get in the sleigh, and we will- Lemon: There's no way I'm gonna- Sophie: GET IN THE DAMN SLEIGH!!!!!!!!!!!! (Everybody else gets intimidated and they hop in) Insecurity: (sighs) Well, I wasn't expecting much in my stocking this year anyway. Sophie: And away we go! (whips the deer) (The deer start flying, and the sleigh takes off) (In the background, Mrs. Claus is driving her sleigh. Sophie tries to get a glimpse of her sleigh's built-in TV) Announcer: And now, back to The Little Mermaid 4: Ursula Visits Bikini Bottom. After this, stay tuned for Hercules 2: Hades Goes to the DMV, and later, The Lady and the Tramp 3: Tramp Meets CatDog. Lemon: Hey Sophie, focus on the sleigh, will you? Sophie: Lemon, be quiet for a moment, I'm trying to watch TV. TGB1: I don't know if your head's screwed on backwards or something, Sophie, but- (suddenly, he gasps, and we see that Sophie has somehow teleported into Mrs. Claus' sleigh, laughing as she watches TV) (Everybody screams as the sleigh crashes into the ground) (Sophie is seen walking towards the crashed sleigh) Sophie: Hey, Crashy, how are ya? (laughs at her shitty joke) (Meanwhile, at StopSociety's hideout, Santa is chained up to a wall) Santa: (weakly wakes up) Ho-ho, where am I? (his eyes fully open) Oh no! Is this one of those naughty clubs?! Security: Do you want it to be, Santa? (Eihpos slaps Security's face hard) Eihpos: Bear him no mind. WE'VE KIDNAPPED YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE A CHILDHOOD FIGURE! AND WE ARE HERE TO CHANGE THAT! TSB1: Yeah, so undress, or else! (Eihpos whacks TSB1 across the face with a chain) TSB1: Ow! (Cuts to shitty action figures of TGB1 and Insecurity at an island. Andrew does a perfect voice impression of Insecurity, because y'know) Insecurity: Ahoy, TGB1! It's Christmas Island! TGB1: Presents ahoy! Insecurity: Hooray! (Camera pans out to reveal Andrew is playing with the action figures) Andrew: (imitates a storm) Oh no, a storm! (imitates TGB1) Yay- I mean yikes! Oh, we're going down! Trim the sails! Hoist the yardarms! TURN ON THE WEATHER CHANNEL!!! Director: (offscreen) ANDREW!!! Andrew: (snaps out of it and talks to the audience) Oh, hi kids! Boy, the GoGang makes me jolly as a roger. Well, I hoped you enjoyed the GoGang's Christmas tale, and I hope your Christmas is better than sunken treasure. (We see that Jacob has taken a nice, fresh shit on Andrew's head, probably as retaliation for everything that happened to him earlier) Andrew: Aww, Jacob left me a little Christmas present. (laughs and heads to a mistletoe) Arrgh, ye ole mistletoe! And you know what that means. (sprays breath freshener in his mouth) It's time to kiss Andrew Rannells! Come on, who's it gonna be? Kiss the actor! Jacob: (barks and runs faster than the speed of light) GIVE ME A KISS! Andrew: (gasps) JACOB, NO! WE TALKED ABOUT THIS! I'M NOT GONNA KISS YOU! (screams bloody murder) Jacob: KISSY KISSY! (Cuts to the exterior of Andrew's apartment) Narrator: Well, it looks like Andrew is a little busy at the moment, so I'll say it for him: Good night, and happy holidays. (Episode ends) Category:GoGang productions Category:GoGang Category:Holiday Specials